3 October 2014

It's A Circus

It’s a circus, and it doesn’t matter if you sit in the audience or stand with the performers. That’s what it looks like for anyone lifting the tent flap and looking in from the outside.

Let’s make this clear from the beginning. I’m in the stands with the fans. Looking into the circus ring. I can understand why some may want to side with the owners in this case, because admit it, who hasn’t at one time or another wanted to run away with the circus? Well you sure are standing with the clowns this time.
Becchetti rules!
Before you run up to me and try to give me a piece of your mind, remember - your pants are huge, your shoes enormous and you have silly face paint.

But here are my reasons for thinking as I am.

* The press conference at the take-over. There was talk about getting the new management to blend it with those already at the club. Everybody wanted success but there was no definite time-limit.
* The interview with Milanese the same week as the Colchester game where he stresses, the pressure to win promotion is on other clubs. He says his relationship with Slade is very good. When it comes to Becchetti they speak regularly about club matters.
* In his programme notes at the Sheffield U game Becchetti admitted things were said after the Colchester game. Even if he was misunderstood, why do something like that right after the game? Emotions run high on all sides. Better to wait until the next day when you have had time to reflect on events.
* When Cardiff asked about Slade, why turn them down if you just days earlier have expressed doubts about him doing his job properly.
* Matt Porter leaving the board. If it was true that his tenure was temporary in nature. Why would he have accepted a place at the Football League board in June? Why if his involvement in Orient only had at most six months left.

I agree that when you try to express your opinion in a second language you always risk coming across differently than what you wished for. If it’s in a new field, something you haven’t been involved in before, then it’s even more important to ask for assistance from people around you with more experience. If you look at the programme notes, the club statements it’s pretty obvious this hasn’t been done.

If you’re the circus manager and you want the crowd to cheer at you and your show. A few things really matter. One, do what you say on the posters. Don’t advertise the greatest show on earth and give us amateur night. Two, trust your performers. Introduce them and then watch them perform. Don’t stay and shout criticism at them during the show. It won’t help things.

For the benefit of Leyton Orient FC it’s time for Francesco to step away from the clowns and pull on the emcee suit and be the guy he said he was when he bought the circus at Brisbane Road. There is no better time than now!

6 September 2014

Retrospective: Daggers 2 - 0 Orient

It's back to Victoria Road for Orient with the JPT draw turning up an away game against Daggers. To get some perspective I hastily translated my match report from Svenska Fans the last time Orient played Daggers away, back in 2010. My how things change!

Daggers 2 - 0 Orient

Wonderful. Fantastic. Enjoyable. Three superlatives that didn’t fit Orient in yesterday’s derby against Daggers. To be honest it was poor. Really poor actually.

With five matches played in League One, Orient’s points average says relegation battle - again. If they play like they did against Dagenham it’s what they deserve. Fair enough, injuries did weaken the back four who were terrible. Especially in the first half. Sure Orient should have had a penalty in the second. But this doesn’t hide the fact that crap like this, against teams like Daggers, mean you end up around teams like Daggers in the table, i.e. near the bottom.

Two headed goals from one of King Arthur’s failed knights, Sir Romain Vincelot. One in each half. This gave Daggers their first ever win in League One. The home team dominated the first half totally, and after their 2-0 early in the second their main objective seemed to be advanced time wasting. Despite this, they were closer to a third by hitting the crossbar, than Orient were pulling a goal back.

Russell Slade choose to not start with Mike Cestor in the absence of Charlie Daniels. Instead he opted for Jimmy Smith since it seemed to work against Brighton. Against Daggers it didn’t work at all. Slade made Smith and Elliot Omozusi switch sides after the interval. This helped somewhat. For those who wonder were Michael Liddle is, I can inform you that he was injured in his first game for Orient against Yeovil and is back at Sunderland for rehab. Without Daniels the problem at left back scream out for a solution. Play Cestor I say. He may be inexperienced but he’s a natural left back. Smith is a midfielder and it shows.

Orient were poor. As a man really poor. Alex Revell showed some good intentions but came off injured late in the game. His replacement, surprisingly enough, Adrian Patulea who got a place on the bench instead of the injured Jonathan Téhoué. The Count didn’t get much time on the pitch but he was about as poor as the rest of the team.

Next week Orient entertain top team Huddersfield at Brisbane Road. Orient logic say that we will probably perform well against them. Hope! The last thing to leave an Orient supporter.

Dagenham & Redbridge - Leyton Orient 2 - 0 (1 - 0)
League One, week 5, september 4, 2010
Victoria Road, attendance 4.195

Goal scorers: Vincelot 8, 50
Yellow cards: none

Orient: Jones; Smith, Forbes, Chorley, Omozusi; Chambers (Jarvis 72); Cox, Dawson, Spring; McGleish, Revell (Patulea 89)
Bench: Brown, Butcher, Porter, Cestor, Beautyman

28 June 2014

Where is Our Lagom?

With a new owner at the doorstep of Brisbane Road, the question is; How well do we want Orient to do?

I paid a fair amount of money to watch Dagnall miss that penalty at Wembley back in May. But being there, and knowing that some of that cash ended up with the club, made it well worth it. When the disappointment had worn off I expected a pre-season a little bit different than the one before. Success on field meaning that, instead of speculating about who would replace that half a squad of released players, it was more a case of which players are going to be picked up by bigger clubs. Boy was I wrong!

Someone with money wants to buy Orient. Words like investing in the squad, taking the club forward, are flying about. Question is how far do we, as fans, want to go?

I would have loved seeing Orient in the Championship even though a season like Yeovil’s was the most probable outcome. With a rich Italian throwing money at the problem of having a small ground and a limited fan base, staying up after promotion should be much less of a problem. But the things that drew me to Orient in the first place could actually be in danger of going away.

Even though I love English football, the Premiership never did it for me. I wanted another experience and found it with Orient. Great atmosphere, jaded fans that knew the reality of their club and therefore appreciated success when it happened. Firmly at home in the community with players and staff still regular people that you could interact with. Not some far off spaceship of a club with everyone involved believing they are somehow larger than life.

I know I’m not alone in looking for this. Hell, Adam Michie even wrote a great book about his search for that elusive feeling. That buzz you get watching football surrounded by other fans that get it! It’s not about world-class players showing of great skills. It’s about regular players who at rare moments produce a world-class move.

So I’m not really afraid of a new owner coming in, making a mess of things and then walk away. I believe Orient would survive that. What scares me is a Chairman that achieves all the goals he made for himself when he bought the club. When the first fixture of the upcoming season is a London derby against Arsenal. That’s frightening because I’m not sure my Orient would survive that.

There is a great Swedish word, lagom. It’s hard to translate but in one word it sums up something that is just right. Not too much, not too little, not too awful, not too successful. It’s lagom.

With possibly big changes at the horizon I think every Orient fans needs to think about where in the League pyramid Orient’s lagom is. Your answer to this question should give a clear indication about how you feel about Hearn leaving and Becchetti coming in. Do you like being called Little Leyton Orient or is your aspirations larger than that?

And, if anyone’s answer to the question of lagom is League Three, I will personally seek you out and slap you.

27 May 2014

The Obliviousness Radius

The Orient half of Wembley Stadium fell silent when Chris Dagnall’s penalty was saved. A thousand thoughts went through thousands of minds. What to feel. How to cope. The why us of it all.

The play-off final was a pretty big deal for everyone at Wembley. It had been for the whole day. People from near and far had made their way there hoping for the best, fearing the worst. My gang of three included.

West Ticket Office?

The weather was nice as we made our way from hotel to stadium with detours to drop off our bags and some last minute shopping. We picked up our tickets, bought some playoff souvenirs, and went to the Green Man Pub. Surrounded by expectant fans you couldn’t help but smile and join in the chanting. Even though there was a tinge of nervousness in the air, the mood was a happy one.

I won’t dwell on the game. Others have done that better. We were there, we weren’t. Almost there, but not quite. So close we could smell it. But not. The thing that struck me as I made my way home amongst all the other Orient supporters, was how fast this momentous event faded away in the world around us.

As we walked to Wembley Central you heard the game being discussed. All around people with Orient kits, scarves and flags. But even here, this close to the stadium, you passed people looking surprised. They didn’t even know there had been a game.

On the train I ended up next to a jaded die-hard Orient supporter (seen all three play-off defeats) and his son. Opposite were two neutrals who wanted to discuss the game. One of them admitted to living in Leyton but supporting Man U. My Orient supporting neighbour said, You should support your local team, mate. That brought a smile to my face. Travelling from Stockholm as I was. The ref was biased and the result harsh, Orient deserved to go up was the next sentiment from the neutrals. Again my neighbour delivered, It was just a game of football. Beautifully, in those two sentences, summing up what being a football supporter is all about.

We parted ways at Paddington. Going home. Which in our case involved the Heathrow Express. As we passed through the turnstiles the guy working there, spotting Martina’s red play-off T-shirt, asked, Did you win? Martina, thinking she had broken some rule of the London Underground just stared at him. So I answered in her stead, No we lost - on penalties. He looked genuinely sorry for us as we continued into Paddington Station.

Walking to the train I didn’t see or hear anything Orient related. We had travelled just a few stops on the tube but here regular London life went by as usual. Was the obliviousness radius really this short? Wembley to Paddington. Surely not?

Leaving the Express making our way to the check-in at terminal 3 I heard a familiar cry. Up the O’s! Turning around I saw a guy talking on his mobile but spotting us as Orient fans. There’s always next time, he said. Where are you off to? Just like that the radius grew a bit.

A to capacity filled SAS-flight to Stockholm didn’t really trouble itself with football. What talk there was at this late hour turned to the Ice-hockey World Championships (Sweden finished 3rd, Russia won final against Finland) and the ongoing Swedish EU-elections. When we touched down at Arlanda it was well past midnight.

Next morning at work we were two guys covering for the rest of the department who was on their way back from a weekend conference in Riga (Latvia). A trip I missed opting for a day at Wembley instead. They arrived right before lunch. The first question I got was about the Orient game. As the day went on we swapped stories, pictures and videos. Drunken karaoke vs. orient chants. Latvian fish cakes with mashed potatoes vs. being 2-0 up at half time. Despite being the sole Orient supporter I had a lot of opportunities to talk about the game. Reflect on it. At the same time the radius expanded even further.

Later in the afternoon I got an e-mail from the Chairman of Norrtulls SK (support your local team remember), it started, too bad you losing on penalties yesterday. I have never hidden my double loyalties to him. But we didn’t discuss the fact that NSK lost a 2-0 lead to a draw against Handelskamraterna at the same time Orient played at Wembley. We talked politics.

With elections in september the smaller football clubs in central Stockholm have decided to raise awareness about the appaling lack of pitches. In Stockholm an estimated 19.000 people share one pitch compared to an average of 8.000 in the rest of the country. At the same time existing football pitches are under threat as they are prime targets for redevelopment. Ongoing projects show that building new pitches aren’t a priority at all. This has to change. NSK are starting a campaign and I have agreed be involved.


Radius is nil

On the face of it the obliviousness radius for an Orient play-off final at Wembley is but two to three kilometers. Further than that and ordinary life trumps your football club. But look closer and you’ll see that’s an illusion. Orient supporters rub off on people. I think we (yes I do include myself here) have been brilliant this season. The world weariness is still there but it’s been infused with a new measure of pride and hope. If you’re passionate about something it speaks to others. Makes them want to listen. Just don’t obsess about it, remember it’s just a game of football, mate!


22 May 2014

TA DET LUGNT (DON'T PANIC)

A crazy season is coming to an end. One game remain. At Wembley. Against Rotherham. Winner takes it all in true Abba fashion. One place in the Championship 2014/15 up for grabs. I should be paralyzed by fear but instead I’m tingling with anticipation.

That tingling feeling comes from the knowledge that come Sunday afternoon I’m sharing Wembley with about 25,000 other Orient fans all hoping for a win. Hoping for promotion.

When Orient beat Oxford on May 6th 2006 thanks to that Lee Steele goal and got promoted to League One on the last day of the season. That day I experienced at home, in front of my computer, screaming at the Orient Player commentary. Match footage available the next day. In spite of this. A match that lives in memory.

Fast forward eight years. I’m still on Orient Player. Even though there has been a lot of televised Orient games this season. This time though I’m watching THE GAME live!

I’m going to be at Wembley watching a game that really has significance. A game with Orient on one side. I refuse to miss it. The trip is booked. Match tickets bought. It doesn’t matter that it’s EU Election Day in Sweden (I voted beforehand). It doesn’t matter that it’s Mothers Day in Sweden (mum will have to wait). It doesn’t matter that Norrtulls SK play Handelskamraterna at Östermalms IP in Division 5 (I didn’t miss a single game last season and then they won the league). What does matter is that Sunday is Towel Day. We celebrate Douglas Adams and remember what was printed in big friendly letters on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

DON’T PANIC

I wish that I could say that I have a Leyton Orient towel to bring to Wembley. But I don’t, and I doubt that I will buy one this weekend. But when I take my seat at Wembley on Sunday. Surrounded by nervous Orients fans I can tell them in a calm confident voice: Hey did you know that today’s Towel Day? You all know what that means don’t you? Don’t Panic!

Because that’s how I feel. There will be a big disappointment should Orient loose. But looking back at the season gone by there’s so many great things to remember. All the records that were broken. All the memorable football played. Should we look at another season in League One we will dust ourselves off and be raring to go come August. On the other hand, if we’re promoted, then I’ll be dancing all the way home to Stockholm.

12 May 2014

Spurious Correlations

Looking ahead to the second leg of the playoff semifinal between Orient and Peterborough I couldn’t help but think of all the wondrous facts fans on both sides use to prove that the final result in this match series was determined long before kickoff.

Everywhere you look there are facts that support any given standpoint. Goals scored in the away leg in previous playoffs. Winning promotion through playoffs in earlier attempts. Final league position. League form leading up to the playoffs. Number of players in the squad with earlier playoff experience. This experience being positive or negative. Having your supporters being the 12th man. Number of matches won from a losing position. And of course that most coveted of abilities, having played at Wembley before!

Cheese and stairs = dangerous combination

I’ll be the first one to admit falling into this trap myself at times. It’s an effective way to ease frayed nerves. Finding facts, evidence, that removes any pressure by just being believable. Calm and assured you state the obvious. Everybody knows this right? Why worry? Orient have never lost a weekday game at home against an opponent with the word borough in their name and having an all white away kit. This is going to be so easy.

But let’s face it. This season has been all about smashing records and killing off old bad runs against various opponents. Do we really want to know the outcome before the game is played? Isn’t a flutter of butterflies essential to the whole matchday experience? I’ll imagine that many Man U fans had to seek medical advice this season in order to explain that upset stomach on match day. To them it felt like defeat. As Orient fans we should embrace that bubbling and put our faith in a team that cost the exact same sum as our spurious correlations are worth. It’s worked before this season, right?







Want more? Visit the Spurious Correlations website.

9 May 2014

The End of the Beginning

It is the best of times. It is the worst of times. Orient are in the playoffs.

When Sweden won the bronze in the 1994 World Cup, the manager Tommy Svensson read poems by Karin Boye to the players. If this had any part in what was a wonderful summer for the national side I don’t know, but Boye did commit suicide in 1941. Slade opting for Winston Churchill in 2014 may be just the thing to ensure success. Personally, and as an Orient supporter, I find more comfort in Charles Dickens.

It’s been a season filled with wonderful memories and great achievements. But it’s not over yet. There’s the possibility of even higher levels of awesomeness. Promotion. With the real chance of heartbreak as well. Defeat. That would put a large smudge on the canvas of this Mona Lisa season.

I really want this to be the best of times all the way up to and including 90+ minutes at Wembley. Slade and a few of the players have been here before and lost. Just rewards and all that. The worst of times are easier to imagine. Just summon up memories of Roots Hall and the JPT. Apply to Peterborough. Orient bossing the game but failing to score. Then losing to a Britt Assombalonga goal.
It really is a girl's name - Britt

Perhaps Churchill is better suited to the role of motivator but I cannot really see him as an Orient man. Dickens on the other hand, he could very well have rooted for Orient Football Club had he lived into the 1880’s. Be that as it may. I have decided to embrace the playoffs. Orient can do this. I have great expectations. We will have a tale to cite in years to come. There will be a Twist or two before this is over.

I’ll end with a quote. Not from Slade’s playbook but from Svensson’s. Worked twenty years ago so why not now?

Yes, there is goal and meaning in our path - but it's the way that is the labour's worth”. Karin Boye from the poem On the move.

26 March 2014

Being Boo


Southeast of Stockholm there’s a football club called Boo FF. Imagine the chants at home games Orient fans.

Russell Slade was angry after the 1-1 draw against Oldham yesterday. The late equaliser one reason to be fuming but most of all he was mad for being booed at full time. I think it’s OK to show emotions, but manager and supporters both could do with a bit of, think before you speak, humble pie.

There are definitely times when teams deserve to be booed off the pitch. Yesterday was not one of those moments. Even more frequent are the occasions when fans deserve criticism for what they perceive as support. A manager should defend his team but also realise that a stand of supporters has a pretty low combined IQ. It cannot be argued with in any usable fashion. Just don’t go there Russell.

If you fall into the supporter category that have trouble seeing the whole picture and need instant gratification. The option to project your disappointment onto somebody, or something else. Well then, make Boo FF your team of choice. Win or lose you still get to boo. Always go home happy, proudly flying the burgundy and black of Boo.

Orient threw away two points yesterday. That’s my opinion. If you disagree it’s fine to argue with me. You may not boo. Because even though the effort was less than stellar it wasn’t indifferent or bad enough to warrant jeering. Orient should have put the game out of sight during the first 30 minutes of the second half. But our attackers are far from deadly at the moment. Lisbie cannot hit the target. Mooney can but opts for spectacular and fails. Dagnall and Simpson are the terrible twins at the moment. A for effort, F for finishing. The only reason to pick Chris ahead of Robbie is that the former has a better historical goal scoring record. That’s how I pick my teams anyway.

Until automatic promotion is truly impossible, as in: We cannot finish in the top two! I call bullshit on your schemes to rest players in preparation for the playoffs. Slade should field his best starting eleven from those fit. Fight to the finish. Charge of the light brigade. If you think this Orient team cannot surprise us you haven’t been paying much attention during the last year or so.

Seven games to go. It may end in the playoffs. Whatever. Stand up for the Orient. Cheering all the way. Save the negative stuff for a cold rainy day in November. Sharing an away end with 25 other Orient fans watching the team being dumped out of the Johnstone’s Paint by Bury. The score line 0-4 with 20 minutes to go. Then you can moan. But only then!

On my way to work this morning I passed a redhead that smelled like candy. Boooo!

24 March 2014

Blazing Saddlers

or never give a fan an even break!

Considering the two earlier meetings between Orient and Walsall this season I wasn’t expecting a goal fest. On the other hand, when the afternoon played out as a mockumentary about ghosts of Orient’s past, I was confused and a shower of goals would have been preferable.

The opening 45 minutes of the game obviously trying to win an award for lacklustre performance of the season. In fact the commentary made my mind conjure up memories of seasons gone by when this was standard fare as far as Orient was concerned. I even went so far as giving these flashbacks a name and a cast.

Blazing Saddlers

A 2014 satirical Orient football match led by Russell Slade, starring
  • David Mooney as Ryan Jarvis
  • Chris Dagnall as Robbie Simpson
  • Dean Cox as Jason Demetriou
  • Lloyd James as Paul Terry
  • Scott Cuthbert as Stephen Purches
Introducing Kevin Dearden as Mongo. Cameo appearances by Eldin Jakupovic, Mathieu Baudry, and Moses Odubajo.

Orient just pawn in game of life
Fair play though to all involved since an Orient side of old had been well and truly beaten after a first half like that with no hope of a comeback. The side of 2013/14 just kept on playing finally earning a draw.

Beacuse let’s be honest, this season even being two goals down you know that there’s still a chance. No reason to stop listening, walk out of the stand early or just give up. That’s why a continued push for a top two spot is the thing to aim for. Difficult but not impossible. More motivation than that surely isn’t needed is it? There are more twists and turns left in this season of that I am sure. With determination and a little luck there’s still a chance for this great Orient team to end in a Blaze of Glory (queue Joe Jackson)!

16 March 2014

From Bees to Bastards

So Orient lost this rather important football match. A solitary Trotta goal separated the two sides. Here’s my take on a game where I, for once, actually had a view from downstream.

If club crests ever where to start fights, the only way for Brentford to beat Orient would be if Wyverns turned out to be really allergic to bee stings. You know like some people are to nuts. Me I’m probably allergic to Alan McCormack. I find him really hard to swallow.

McCormack being one of two players on the pitch yesterday with ‘get out of jail free’ cards somewhere in their kit. The other one being Nathan Clarke. Perhaps Captain Fantastic plays like this every game. In that case I salute him for having powers of misdirection greater than many a professional illusionist. But what I usually hear is a lot different from what I saw. Walking off without a booking was lucky.

Lucky like Clayton Donaldson who seemed in a bad mood all game. Brentford fans have a point when they say Orient were favoured by the referee. But Donaldson could very well have been sent off when he stormed into that scuffle during the first half that saw him and Gary Sawyer receive yellow cards. As for who started it that’s easier - McCormack.

Speaking of things that are easy. The Orient front two was a case in point. Kevin Lisbie did a lot of running and tried to set up his team mates. Not complicating things but at the moment being let down by his goalscoring touch. David Mooney on the other hand has that touch but sometimes gives the impression that scoring simply isn’t enough. It has to be pretty as well. Frankly Moons we don’t care, just bang them in. Pretty can wait.

Romain Vincelot not only had a great game he has a pretty great beard as well. The only thing missing from his performance was a yellow card. The threat of that tenth yellow of the season hanging over the head of us supporters like the blade of a guillotine. Just pick it up already! Rip it off our worried minds like an old band-aid. Get those two games out of the way.

Marvin Bartley and Jamie Ness probably agree with me on the Vincelot suspension saga since that would mean more game time for the both of them. Orient have a strong bench at the moment. One that could cope with Vincelot sitting out two games. Looking at the names of substitutes this season compared to a few years back there really are names on there that can change games. Perhaps Robbie Simpson should have felt more at home sharing a bench with a selection of Geraint William’s players. He would have stood out like the obvious choice which is always a nice feeling.

As far as managers go my distinct feeling is that Brentford really need to finish in the top two. Warburton inherited a good team with tactics et.al. from Uwe Rösler. I don’t think he could guide a team successfully through the playoffs. Russell Slade could, I’m sure of that. But if I get a choice I’ll gladly let Warburton prove me wrong. When it comes to success for baldies my money is on Slade.

I do a lot of stupid things with my money. Gambling isn’t one of them. I do have an account on a large betting site though. With all of one hundred Swedish kronor on there. The only reason being that this gives access to reliable streams of football matches. Like Orient v Brentford. I still had Dave Victor on as commentator even though Orient World was a few seconds behind the TV images. As I understood it the Sky commentators were biased in Brentford’s favour. In those cases a sense of deja vu is preferable.

I would have preferred to win. But this loss most likely didn’t define our season. We don’t know yet what the 2013/14 season legacy will be. It may have been this game, or perhaps those three losses when Eldin Jakupovic went back to Hull. Losing Jamie Jones to injury. It may be a thing in the future. Vincelot’s tenth yellow card. Wolves at home. Promotion. A playoff final. Mooney scoring twenty league goals. There’s nine games left. History is yet to be written. Orient not ready to be written off even if Brentford and Wolves fans want that very much. It just isn’t true. It might even turn out to be false. Keep the faith you pessimistic bastards!

12 March 2014

A Space Odyssey

In the aftermath of two very different football matches I came up with a fun way to troll Orient Player during the next goalless draw.

When you go to a game there is always some sense of excitement. Even if you’re there as a neutral. That feeling of nervousness and expectations rub off on some level. This is true even if the match itself doesn’t offer much entertainment. There is usually something happening that keep things interesting.

If you’re at home listening to the game it’s a different story. Distractions abound, and those other things will probably cause you to lose interest completely. One way to avoid this is to make sure to minimize outside stimuli. The problem with this solution is that most people think you’re weird sitting alone in a dark closet with a laptop. Also closets have an annoying habit of messing with your wifi reception.

The Notts County game experienced through Orient Player was one of those drab dull games. A perfect example of why the phrase bore draw was invented. No excitement, no incidents, no goalmouth scrambles or shots hitting the woodwork. The sole word sticking in my brain after the game was - puddles.

I think that the memories of the Notts game carried over to the Port Vale encounter. When the commentary decided to go AWOL during the first few minutes, and Orient as a team started the game on the back foot the Orient Player natives got restless and made their fears known on twitter.

The doom and gloom of the twitter time line during the first 40 minutes of the Vale game was classic Orient. Except possibly for the lack of some FFS Ling exclamations and the fact that folks were moaning about only making the play-offs instead of flirting with relegation.

Russell Slade should be told, in the sternest way possible, that building expectations isn’t a nice thing to do. At the very least he ought to be aware that failing to score in over 120 minutes entitles to the use of a few heartfelt Slade Out! tweets. A Dean Cox goal later the Bring on Brentford messages quickly pushed the negativism out of scrolls reach.

The 2-0 win at Port Vale was impressive in many ways. The pure excitement of the second half, as it was portrayed through Orient Player, more than made up for the non-event that was the Notts game. Nathan Clarke’s first goal, Eldin celebrating the disallowed goals and that rare Robbie Simpson appearance. Breaking a 57 year old winless streak was pretty satisfactory as well.

Speaking of satisfaction I have a plan that should keep things interesting the next time Orient play an inept team on a crap surface and doesn’t seem likely to score. All we need to do, as a collective (I’m talking Orient Player subscribers here) is to turn the texts and the tweets to Dave Victor into a space odyssey.

We only tweet and text lines from the movie 2001. With enough people doing it the effect should be - entertaining. Here are a few examples to get things started.

The 2001 smorgasbord
@DulcetDave Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?
@DulcetDave Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.
@DulcetDave Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop Dave? Stop, Dave.
@DulcetDave You don't mind talking about it, do you Dave?
@DulcetDave I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going.
@DulcetDave Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
@DulcetDave Thank you for a very enjoyable game.

23 February 2014

Travelling habits of a Jinx

After being home to the Penalty miss fairy during the lion’s share of the season, Orient finally saw the back of it on Saturday. It left, but not for parts unknown.

If there is one thing you need to know about Jinxes it is that they are inherently lazy creatures. On top of that they are extremely keen on continuity. But they do get bored. With Orient missing out on a few penalty shouts recently. The fact that the game against Stevenage was devoid of anything close to a penalty decision, much thanks to Trevor Kettle’s refereeing prowess, may have prompted the Jinx to leave.

Brisbane Road looked on with slack-jawed surprise as Lloyd James put away not one, but two spot kicks in the same game. The four corners of the stadium gasped with awe as there even was the briefest of struggle for the ball when the first penalty was given. Chris Dagnall was, as they say, keen to try his luck from eleven meters (sorry I do not do Imperial).

Fairies are mostly rather small and look harmless when you actually notice them. But they can cause you a world of harm if you cross them. This could explain why Dean Cox tried to coax today’s referee into awarding Orient, and James, a hat-trick of penalties. He, probably more than any other player in the squad, had it in him to feel the tiny changes of cosmic energies. Problem was that the referee totally lacked the sensitivity of Orient’s tricky winger. Instead of the expected three-times-the-charm all mr Ward produced was a yellow card. So much for listening to your inner fairy-detector.

The decision to leave is never taken lightly by a Jinx fairy. The road to travel mustn’t be arduous, and it’s new home should give it some sense of familiarity. If you know where, and what to look for, the travelling habits of a Jinx are pretty easy to track. This particular Penalty miss fairy made the passably short journey from East London to Wessex. The outskirts of Colchester to be more exact. There it lashed onto the pulsating aura of one former Leyton Orient striker. Nowadays wearing blue and white stripes. At about 4.30 pm GMT Jabo Ibehre stepped up to the penalty spot at the Weston Homes Community Stadium to put the U’s level. That the opponents, Preston North End, was the last team Orient played when a spot kick was awarded probably made the fairy even more keen to enjoy the moment. Jabo failed to convert and O’s fairy had found a new home!

Jinxes in residence usually leave a mark. A residual force that is sometimes noticed by more benevolent fairies. At times one of these beings may decide to stick around the Jinx’s old home to undo some of the bad things the previous fairy has caused. So if you look around Brisbane Road on your next visit. With an open mind of course. You just might catch a glimpse of the Clean Sheet fairy currently riding the ends of Eldin Jakupovic’s flowing locks of hair. But be careful, whatever you do - don’t spook it!

With Orient at the top of the League One table let me just close with a little something for the doom and gloomers. Next weekend Orient entertain Colchester at the Matchroom Stadium. Let us hope that the Jinx, when getting a fresh look at it’s old hunting grounds, doesn’t change it’s mind and decide to move back in. Pray that those sad slabs of concrete in an empty field in Essex feel more like home now than the busy streets of East London. You never know with fairies!

20 February 2014

Kettle jokes

Tuesday night the twitter feeds of Orient fans were saturated with jokes about the referee in charge of Orient v Stevenage. Today there really isn’t a single Kettle joke left untold. Not one.

Anyway, Nigel Miller, Andy D’Orsu, and Trevor Kettle walk into a bar in Wales. Just as they’re about to sit down Sean Thornton speak out from his place at the end. Hey! You lot - f***off! And they did. Safe in the knowledge that the amount of untold Kettle jokes in the world really is zero!

If you look up Stevenage on Swedish Wikipedia the full entry reads “Stevenage is a town and a district in Hertfordshire in England with about 79,400 inhabitants. It is situated between Letchworth Garden City in the north and Welwyn Garden City in the south. The town’s football team is Stevenage Borough FC who play in League One. Formula One-driver Lewis Hamilton was born in Stevenage”.

Since I visited Stevenage in August I should be in a position to add to that article. But except for that Kevin Lisbie header the only thing that pops into my head are Cheesy Chips. Adding a few lines to Wikipedia about the Cheesy Chip Scandal of 2013 could maybe cause an influx of Swedish visitors as long as they do not realise we’re talking the British version of Skärholmen. A Stockholm suburb who in a desperate attempt to be more international decided to drop all vowels from their name, calling themselves SKHLM.

As for the game it was all Orient. Moses getting things off to a great start and Dagnall creating that comfortable two goal cushion. Just how you want a home game against the bottom team to work out. One-sided, smooth and unproblematic.

Soon after 2-0 I got a text from a colleague at work. Problems! So as the half drew to a close, and Jimmy Smith had that shot on goal, I listened to the game while debugging and looking for a corrupt database record.

The guy who texted me, Magnus, has actually been to Brisbane Road. Once in London to see some PL-game he needed something to do on the Saturday. I suggested Orient who at the time was to entertain Notts County in the FA-Cup. Initially he was really impressed with one Orient player. Speedy with what looked like bags of technical ability. How come this guy didn’t play at a higher level? It was revealed the moment he chased a through ball, dummied two defenders and then sliced his finish well wide. The player's name? Jabo!

A wonderful player perhaps somewhat lacking in clinicality. The one ability Stevenage manager Graham Westley brought up time and again in his post-match interview. If only his players had been more clinical the game would have ended otherwise. Well Graham you really got the tactics spot on, the formation, and the substitutions. Especially the subs made a LOT of sense.

Personally I’m really grateful that Orient isn’t a club with a track record of signing strikers lacking in clinicality. I mean using the short horizon of the recent years in League One, not a single name comes to mind. Look I’m really trying here. Help me out people. Orient strikers since 2006 lacking clinicality. No, noo, nooope, drawing a total blank. Never happened!

17 February 2014

Whodunnit?


If you’re up for a challenge, try following an Orient game while solving a murder mystery in a 16th century castle. To make it interesting, do not bring a smartphone!

Courtesy of a Christmas present from my sister and the brother-in-law I spent the weekend with them at Mauritzberg Castle. Food, drink and a Cluedo-like murder mystery. Picked up my parents on the way, and while waiting for the ferry across Bråviken I realised that I had left my phone at their house. The Colin McRae in me calculating the time needed to go back and pick it up. But no rally driver has ever travelled faster than the voice of their mother from the back seat saying: don’t - even - think - about - it!

We arrived about 45 minutes before kick-off. Free internet access available through syrupy wifi on a sluggish laptop in a small room across from the reception. The murder mystery was scheduled to start right at the stroke of half time. Not being surrounded by football fans. My suggestion of having a beer while crowding into a tiny room with a computer exhaling the excitable voice of Dave Victor was flat out refused: don’t - even - think - about - it!

Using guile and some creative lying I managed to sneak a peak with about 30 minutes gone. Still 0-0. Orient the only team with a shot on target. Using leytonorient.com to get the score perhaps wasn’t the best choice. But my mind was elsewhere occupied.

The more pressing issue was, who killed Isak Jutenhielm? The guy had a box that supposedly contained the cheekbone of the murderer Barabbas. Now missing. There were eight suspects, four sons (two with wives), a female medium, and a stranger interested in the relic. The task at hand was, who did it, why, and of course, how? We knew where. The trick to figure out the rest was to follow the characters of your choice around the castle as they acted out scenes containing clues to the truth. This is what everyone in the group of about sixty participants did.

Almost everyone. I followed the suspects that stayed close to that room with the laptop. Other parts of the castle be damned. But returning to that room regularly resulted in lots of dirty looks. People obviously suspecting me of googling about the more obscure clues like the latin name for walnut, or which parts of wolfsbane are poisonous. Kind of funny being suspected of cheating when most of them probably had a phone in their pocket that could run rings around that clunky laptop.

The "just checking the Orient game" excuse fell to deaf ears. But I did manage to find out that it was 1-1. No idea as to the goalscorers. So when someone asked me: Who do you think did it? I said: No idea really, could be anyone, Moses perhaps? and got quite a puzzled look in return.

The murder hunt entered its second phase as dinner was served. While we dined on trout and venison the eight suspects walked amongst the tables answering questions. I had my suspicions, but as to the final score between Preston and Orient I was completely in the dark.

Before dessert everybody gathered in the room where the murder had taken place. While entering handing in a note with the proposed solution. Then we got to see the deed and the identity of the murderer. 

It was the bleeding referee whodunnit! While turning a blind eye to a clear sending off, and awarding the softest of penalties. He clearly killed Russell’s happy face. Have we ever seen a more jaded Slade in a post match interview? I think not!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I didn’t know, or see, anything of that until Sunday afternoon. As for the identity of Isak Jutenhielm’s killer I was of course spot on. But I didn’t win since a few others also had their inner Sherlock working. There was only one prize and I never win lotteries. So all I was left with was the glory of getting it right, and being seen by some as a cheat. Just for supporting Orient. That’s the life of a sleuth I guess.

12 February 2014

Feeling Biblical

If someone made me a God today. I would be an Old Testament kind of God. Vengeful, all fire and brimstone. My target audience numbering one. The Scapegoat!

Orient up against a team with one away win all season. Elliot Omozusi injured, Gary Sawyer in at left back. Lloyd James benched, Marvin Bartley starting in the center of midfield. Up front Kevin Lisbie and Chris Dagnall. Not really match fit David Mooney on the bench.

But this text isn't about any of those players. Possibly Sawyer who didn't impress right before Bristol City's first goal after three minutes. Perhaps Bartley who didn't show why he should be picked before James as a normal course of events. No, this rant has another target in mind.

A goalkeeper should possess many abilities. Few excel at everything. Most have at least one embarrassing trait up their sleeve. Good shot-stopper, saves a lot of penalties, dodgy kicking, being weak in the air. There is one thing though, that is essential to any goalkeeper. You have got to inspire confidence in your fellow defenders. When you shout for the ball you have to do your thing. Pluck it out of the air, punch it away, kick it! Whatever - do it. End of discussion.

Shwan Jalal, you are Orient's fifth goalkeeper this season. You are not a Jamie Jones, definitely worse than Eldin Jakupovic, hardly outshine Ben Alnwick, and Jake Larkins is a giant in the area compared to you.

Against Peterborough, in your Orient debut, you were responsible for one of the goals. Today, after the Bristol City game your collected goal debt is 3.5. It was that bad. Perhaps the rest of the Orient team should share some of the blame for being 0-2 down with less than fifteen minutes played. But we're talking Old Testament here. No collective debt. It's   all   your   fault. Having a first name that mean shepherd doesn't help things. Herding goats might be the job for you. You are as a matter of fact the ultimate scapegoat. Two games in Orient colours. No more dear God (Jesus, I'm talking to myself here).

It didn't help that Orient reduced the deficit to one goal when Lisbie pounced just before half time. Orient dominating the initial stages of the second half really counted for nothing. All those corners and half chances. Jalal you made sure the opponents had that comfortable two goal cushion back by going for a ball and completely miss it - again.

If the Devil is any sort of friend he must act now. For the prize of a Russell Slade soul we should at least get Jakupovic on loan for the rest of the season and Jamie Jones' back miraculously healed.

It ended 3-1 to Bristol City. It was all your fault Shwan. The scapegoat! And I said this in the nicest way possible.





Swedish original (at least the text I started with)

10 February 2014

Similes and Metaphors

No blogger of things Orient sit down to write without having a Simile/Metaphor Machine handy. I just bought mine from IKEA. Assembly went well I think. Just a few nuts and bolts left over when I was done. Changing the language settings was harder. I have it in demo mode at the moment.

A simile is where two things are directly compared because they share a common feature. The word as or like is used to compare the two words. Eg. As bald as an Orient manager

A metaphor also compare two things, but it does so more directly without using as or like. Eg. The place had a feel of Southend about it.

Well that wasn't too difficult. Guess I'll just skip the rest of the instructions and try my hand at the examples.

Task 1.

Copy these sentences into your blog/twitter/facebook entry. At the end of each sentence, write in brackets whether the sentence is an example of a metaphor or a simile.

  1. As slippery as Boris Johnson (simile)
  2. Romain was a lion in battle (metaphor)
  3. The striker Michael Symes was a goal machine (a lying metaphor?)
  4. Big Sam has a face like a bag of spanners (simile)
Phew! This is hard work. Puts a new perspective on places like View from the West Stand that are like built from this stuff. Moving on, just one task left.

Task 2.

Now make up similes of your own by copying and finishing these sentences.
  1. As heavy as
  2. As hard as
  3. His beard was like
  4. As cool as
  5. As quick as
  6. He was slow like a
  7. Slippery like a
OK here goes! Let's see what the machine can come up with because I'm stumped!
  1. As heavy as Dearden
  2. As hard as Clarke
  3. His beard was like Vincelot's
  4. As cool as an Orient penalty taker
  5. As quick as Moses
  6. He was slow like a Parkin/Scowcroft love child
  7. Slippery like a West Ham director
Pretty good! Number four feel a bit dodgy but what can you expect for 89 kronor? I'll just put my faith in this piece of Swedish technology, made in China, and packaged in Romania. So look out all you other Orient bloggers. I have a machine and I'm not afraid to use it! In fact I'll just keep it running until the Bristol City game. No choice really, since the on/off switch just broke off in my hand.

9 February 2014

Why a View from Downstream?

Stupid name! Was that the best you could come up with? If you just give me a second to elaborate on the name of this blog everything will become clear. Clear as sausage broth. Using one of the more self-explanatory Swedish sayings this blog will probably spring upon you from time to time. At least if you visit here more than once.

Living in Stockholm every Orient game is an away game. Which probably explains why the only game I have seen Orient live this season was at the Lamex Stadium. Nothing like a trip to Stevenage to brighten up your day eh?

My view of another goalless performance from Robbie Simpson usually comes from the mouth of Dave Victor. Or, when Orient Player is acting up which has been known to happen, from some other biased Englishman albeit with a harder to understand accent. Thank God Hartlepool got relegated to League Two.

The things your mind sees from an Orient Player stream and the same event viewed on the extended highlights (if my English was better I would call that a misnomer) on the Sunday often vary wildly. Where Dave Victor shouted off the bar! in reality it hit the foot of the post. This is not criticism of Dave. In fact if/when I finally meet him in person I will pat him on the top of his head and say: Good work! Because it really is! I could pay a few hundred Swedish crowns per month and have access to televised Premier League games every weekend. Instead I pay for Orient Player and highlights a day later. And why? Because for me listening to Orient is far more enjoyable than watching any PL-team, let alone West Ham.

I wasn't at Oxford but I listened to the game live. Jumping madly around the living room when Lee Steele scored. Some of my best football memories have come sitting in front of a computer. A bit sad but true non the less.

My point with all of this being that writing a match report based only on what you have heard is a recipe for getting things wrong. That's why you'll never get player ratings on this blog, or angry rants about some refereeing decision. I just don't have the power Captain! I'm too far away from the action so to speak.

But even the simple act of following Orient via audio stream has changed over the years. In the beginning there was Player and the Message Board. Plus some kind of goal service. Now you have the live blog and twitter. The problem being that these two are always ahead of Orient Player. Updating your twitter feed at the wrong time can spoil the game. A first world problem if there ever was one I suppose.

As many others I have more or less left the Message Board. It never really recovered from the hacker incident and the change of platform. Not really a big loss since the Orient supporters on twitter make up for it by being a nice friendly community.

Being on twitter following things Orient it's impossible not to end up on the View from the West Stand Blog or having Matt Simpson in your timeline. So in the time honoured tradition of Standing On the Shoulders of Giants I named this blog View from Downstream to steal credit from that well known blog . It could even be seen as a kind of homage. But nah, I'm not into that.

In Sweden the season for football start in the beginning of May and end in early November. This overlap meant that growing up I watched a lot of English football since this was what was shown on TV in those days. I wish I could say that I discovered Orient back then. Late seventies, early eighties but sadly I didn't. It was an article in a Swedish morning paper, published in the early 90's that started me on the way to being a proper Orient supporter. Following a club from afar in the pre-internet days usually was scores in the paper and the occasional league table. Things have gotten easier and since 2005 I have been writing about Orient on various forums and such. Mostly on Svenska Fans but always in Swedish. This then is my attempt at getting better known among the true Orient fans. The born and bred supporters. Using my skills at Swenglish to, if not entertain you at least not bore you out of your minds.

If you follow me on twitter there have been a fair amount of tweets about Norrtulls SK my local club here in Stockholm. Last year they had a fantastic season that ended in promotion to Division 5. Which doesn't match that position in the English pyramid but a great achievement all the same. When their season start you will be getting news on twitter as NSK take on teams like Atletico Nacka, Boo FF, FK Bromma, Gustavsbergs IF, Handelskamraternas IS, Hanvikens SK, IF Lokomotiv Blackeberg, Långholmen FC, Reymersholms IK, Saltsjöbadens IF, and Sickla IF.

So if strange sounding team names from the lower leagues of Sweden are your thing things will heat up as the weather gets warmer. Hopefully this will coincide with a new memorable game in which Orient secure promotion. When they do stop by here for my View from Downstream.








Clear as sausuage broth is the Swedish version of Clear as mud. Knowledge! Isn't it a wonderful thing?

Mooooo..nej

A heading which makes sense in Swedish only, nej meaning no. This being almost like the surname of that surprisingly prolific striker of ours. 

Whatever, this is the place where articles from the Leyton Orient section of Svenska Fans (click this link to visit that beautiful part of the web) go to die. Where I shine and polish those nuggets of Swedish Oriental wisdom into my version of the English language. This then is the thing I wrote following defeat to Peterborough. 

This wasn't great from Orient. Peterborough knew they were up against a team with goals in it. So to counter that they played a 5-3-2. Worked brilliantly. Especially in the second half when the guests without a doubt were the better team.

Considering the amount of postponed games in League One having a playable surface was quite an achievement by Orient. But it wasn't perfect, especially bits along the West Stand was dodgy. The wind, just like at Rotherham, played a part as well. Both teams avoided the soggy part of the pitch which was unfortunate for Orient since this kept Moses Odubajo out of the game in the first half. This being the part of the 90 minutes when the home side at least showed glimpses of what they are capable of.

David Mooney's headed goal from a Lloyd James free-kick came against the run of play. But teams at the top often seem to ride their luck and snatch wins even when they're not playing that great. Even though Peterborough had been searching for a goal since the restart, it felt like Orient were riding their luck.

When Britt Assombalonga far to easily headed in the equalizer the feeling still was one of; OK one point still mean we'll be in the top two. That's fine!

Up until the Rotherham game Orient had barely conceded a single goal in the last ten minutes of games.   Now they've dropped points in two consecutive games by not counting the clock down and closing the game out. This time around it was Romain Vincelot that tried to dribble an opponent to start an Orient attack instead of just taking an easy pass. He lost the ball that eventually found its way to Tommy Rowe. Who from the edge of the penalty area hit a shot that Shwan Jalal pushed into his own net.

Jalal, the second debutant goalkeeper in two matches for Orient, had a decent game otherwise. But the second goal falls on his, and Vincelot's, shoulders. Maybe harsh but that was the general feeling afterwards. The pessimists among the Orient fans quickly pointed out that this was the first time all season that Orient have lost two games in a row. I am not one of those guys but I had a really sinking feeling when that Rowe finish hit the back of the net. Because there are problems.

Goalkeeping problems. I think that among the fans one solution is obvious. Bring back Eldin Jakupovic. The suspension for the Hull number one is served. Bring Eldin back. Being asked about Ben Alnwick after the game Russell Slade had nothing new to add. He is out - for how long no one knows. Asked about Jakupovic Slade didn't respond with an outright NO! Enough for some to interpret  that he could return. Jalal had a good game according to Slade. But as a manager that often speak about the group, the importance of team spirit and getting the right characters in the squad. Having a goalkeeper that's trusted by the players, one that minimizes his own mistakes, should be high on the list. Jakupovic proved in January that he is that kind of player. Alnwick and Jalal still have that do to. The question is if Slade feel he has time to wait for that proof.

Russell finished with an interesting comment. Orient's next goal is 75 points which guarantee a play-off spot. After that they'll see how many games there are left to shoot for a spot in the top two. On Tuesday  that postponed game from New Year's Day against Bristol City is to be played. A win means three points off that 15 point playoff place goal. A win means putting pressure on Brentford and Wolves. It will be interesting to see who wears the keeper jersey for Orient.