Travelling habits of a Jinx

After being home to the Penalty miss fairy during the lion’s share of the season, Orient finally saw the back of it on Saturday. It left, but not for parts unknown.

If there is one thing you need to know about Jinxes it is that they are inherently lazy creatures. On top of that they are extremely keen on continuity. But they do get bored. With Orient missing out on a few penalty shouts recently. The fact that the game against Stevenage was devoid of anything close to a penalty decision, much thanks to Trevor Kettle’s refereeing prowess, may have prompted the Jinx to leave.

Brisbane Road looked on with slack-jawed surprise as Lloyd James put away not one, but two spot kicks in the same game. The four corners of the stadium gasped with awe as there even was the briefest of struggle for the ball when the first penalty was given. Chris Dagnall was, as they say, keen to try his luck from eleven meters (sorry I do not do Imperial).

Fairies are mostly rather small and look harmless when you actually notice them. But they can cause you a world of harm if you cross them. This could explain why Dean Cox tried to coax today’s referee into awarding Orient, and James, a hat-trick of penalties. He, probably more than any other player in the squad, had it in him to feel the tiny changes of cosmic energies. Problem was that the referee totally lacked the sensitivity of Orient’s tricky winger. Instead of the expected three-times-the-charm all mr Ward produced was a yellow card. So much for listening to your inner fairy-detector.

The decision to leave is never taken lightly by a Jinx fairy. The road to travel mustn’t be arduous, and it’s new home should give it some sense of familiarity. If you know where, and what to look for, the travelling habits of a Jinx are pretty easy to track. This particular Penalty miss fairy made the passably short journey from East London to Wessex. The outskirts of Colchester to be more exact. There it lashed onto the pulsating aura of one former Leyton Orient striker. Nowadays wearing blue and white stripes. At about 4.30 pm GMT Jabo Ibehre stepped up to the penalty spot at the Weston Homes Community Stadium to put the U’s level. That the opponents, Preston North End, was the last team Orient played when a spot kick was awarded probably made the fairy even more keen to enjoy the moment. Jabo failed to convert and O’s fairy had found a new home!

Jinxes in residence usually leave a mark. A residual force that is sometimes noticed by more benevolent fairies. At times one of these beings may decide to stick around the Jinx’s old home to undo some of the bad things the previous fairy has caused. So if you look around Brisbane Road on your next visit. With an open mind of course. You just might catch a glimpse of the Clean Sheet fairy currently riding the ends of Eldin Jakupovic’s flowing locks of hair. But be careful, whatever you do - don’t spook it!

With Orient at the top of the League One table let me just close with a little something for the doom and gloomers. Next weekend Orient entertain Colchester at the Matchroom Stadium. Let us hope that the Jinx, when getting a fresh look at it’s old hunting grounds, doesn’t change it’s mind and decide to move back in. Pray that those sad slabs of concrete in an empty field in Essex feel more like home now than the busy streets of East London. You never know with fairies!

Kettle jokes

Tuesday night the twitter feeds of Orient fans were saturated with jokes about the referee in charge of Orient v Stevenage. Today there really isn’t a single Kettle joke left untold. Not one.

Anyway, Nigel Miller, Andy D’Orsu, and Trevor Kettle walk into a bar in Wales. Just as they’re about to sit down Sean Thornton speak out from his place at the end. Hey! You lot - f***off! And they did. Safe in the knowledge that the amount of untold Kettle jokes in the world really is zero!

If you look up Stevenage on Swedish Wikipedia the full entry reads “Stevenage is a town and a district in Hertfordshire in England with about 79,400 inhabitants. It is situated between Letchworth Garden City in the north and Welwyn Garden City in the south. The town’s football team is Stevenage Borough FC who play in League One. Formula One-driver Lewis Hamilton was born in Stevenage”.

Since I visited Stevenage in August I should be in a position to add to that article. But except for that Kevin Lisbie header the only thing that pops into my head are Cheesy Chips. Adding a few lines to Wikipedia about the Cheesy Chip Scandal of 2013 could maybe cause an influx of Swedish visitors as long as they do not realise we’re talking the British version of Skärholmen. A Stockholm suburb who in a desperate attempt to be more international decided to drop all vowels from their name, calling themselves SKHLM.

As for the game it was all Orient. Moses getting things off to a great start and Dagnall creating that comfortable two goal cushion. Just how you want a home game against the bottom team to work out. One-sided, smooth and unproblematic.

Soon after 2-0 I got a text from a colleague at work. Problems! So as the half drew to a close, and Jimmy Smith had that shot on goal, I listened to the game while debugging and looking for a corrupt database record.

The guy who texted me, Magnus, has actually been to Brisbane Road. Once in London to see some PL-game he needed something to do on the Saturday. I suggested Orient who at the time was to entertain Notts County in the FA-Cup. Initially he was really impressed with one Orient player. Speedy with what looked like bags of technical ability. How come this guy didn’t play at a higher level? It was revealed the moment he chased a through ball, dummied two defenders and then sliced his finish well wide. The player's name? Jabo!

A wonderful player perhaps somewhat lacking in clinicality. The one ability Stevenage manager Graham Westley brought up time and again in his post-match interview. If only his players had been more clinical the game would have ended otherwise. Well Graham you really got the tactics spot on, the formation, and the substitutions. Especially the subs made a LOT of sense.

Personally I’m really grateful that Orient isn’t a club with a track record of signing strikers lacking in clinicality. I mean using the short horizon of the recent years in League One, not a single name comes to mind. Look I’m really trying here. Help me out people. Orient strikers since 2006 lacking clinicality. No, noo, nooope, drawing a total blank. Never happened!

Whodunnit?

If you’re up for a challenge, try following an Orient game while solving a murder mystery in a 16th century castle. To make it interesting, do not bring a smartphone!

Courtesy of a Christmas present from my sister and the brother-in-law I spent the weekend with them at Mauritzberg Castle. Food, drink and a Cluedo-like murder mystery. Picked up my parents on the way, and while waiting for the ferry across Bråviken I realised that I had left my phone at their house. The Colin McRae in me calculating the time needed to go back and pick it up. But no rally driver has ever travelled faster than the voice of their mother from the back seat saying: don’t - even - think - about - it!

We arrived about 45 minutes before kick-off. Free internet access available through syrupy wifi on a sluggish laptop in a small room across from the reception. The murder mystery was scheduled to start right at the stroke of half time. Not being surrounded by football fans. My suggestion of having a beer while crowding into a tiny room with a computer exhaling the excitable voice of Dave Victor was flat out refused: don’t - even - think - about - it!

Using guile and some creative lying I managed to sneak a peak with about 30 minutes gone. Still 0-0. Orient the only team with a shot on target. Using leytonorient.com to get the score perhaps wasn’t the best choice. But my mind was elsewhere occupied.

The more pressing issue was, who killed Isak Jutenhielm? The guy had a box that supposedly contained the cheekbone of the murderer Barabbas. Now missing. There were eight suspects, four sons (two with wives), a female medium, and a stranger interested in the relic. The task at hand was, who did it, why, and of course, how? We knew where. The trick to figure out the rest was to follow the characters of your choice around the castle as they acted out scenes containing clues to the truth. This is what everyone in the group of about sixty participants did.

Almost everyone. I followed the suspects that stayed close to that room with the laptop. Other parts of the castle be damned. But returning to that room regularly resulted in lots of dirty looks. People obviously suspecting me of googling about the more obscure clues like the latin name for walnut, or which parts of wolfsbane are poisonous. Kind of funny being suspected of cheating when most of them probably had a phone in their pocket that could run rings around that clunky laptop.

The "just checking the Orient game" excuse fell to deaf ears. But I did manage to find out that it was 1-1. No idea as to the goalscorers. So when someone asked me: Who do you think did it? I said: No idea really, could be anyone, Moses perhaps? and got quite a puzzled look in return.

The murder hunt entered its second phase as dinner was served. While we dined on trout and venison the eight suspects walked amongst the tables answering questions. I had my suspicions, but as to the final score between Preston and Orient I was completely in the dark.

Before dessert everybody gathered in the room where the murder had taken place. While entering handing in a note with the proposed solution. Then we got to see the deed and the identity of the murderer. 

It was the bleeding referee whodunnit! While turning a blind eye to a clear sending off, and awarding the softest of penalties. He clearly killed Russell’s happy face. Have we ever seen a more jaded Slade in a post match interview? I think not!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I didn’t know, or see, anything of that until Sunday afternoon. As for the identity of Isak Jutenhielm’s killer I was of course spot on. But I didn’t win since a few others also had their inner Sherlock working. There was only one prize and I never win lotteries. So all I was left with was the glory of getting it right, and being seen by some as a cheat. Just for supporting Orient. That’s the life of a sleuth I guess.

Feeling Biblical

If someone made me a God today. I would be an Old Testament kind of God. Vengeful, all fire and brimstone. My target audience numbering one. The Scapegoat!

Orient up against a team with one away win all season. Elliot Omozusi injured, Gary Sawyer in at left back. Lloyd James benched, Marvin Bartley starting in the center of midfield. Up front Kevin Lisbie and Chris Dagnall. Not really match fit David Mooney on the bench.

But this text isn't about any of those players. Possibly Sawyer who didn't impress right before Bristol City's first goal after three minutes. Perhaps Bartley who didn't show why he should be picked before James as a normal course of events. No, this rant has another target in mind.

A goalkeeper should possess many abilities. Few excel at everything. Most have at least one embarrassing trait up their sleeve. Good shot-stopper, saves a lot of penalties, dodgy kicking, being weak in the air. There is one thing though, that is essential to any goalkeeper. You have got to inspire confidence in your fellow defenders. When you shout for the ball you have to do your thing. Pluck it out of the air, punch it away, kick it! Whatever - do it. End of discussion.

Shwan Jalal, you are Orient's fifth goalkeeper this season. You are not a Jamie Jones, definitely worse than Eldin Jakupovic, hardly outshine Ben Alnwick, and Jake Larkins is a giant in the area compared to you.

Against Peterborough, in your Orient debut, you were responsible for one of the goals. Today, after the Bristol City game your collected goal debt is 3.5. It was that bad. Perhaps the rest of the Orient team should share some of the blame for being 0-2 down with less than fifteen minutes played. But we're talking Old Testament here. No collective debt. It's   all   your   fault. Having a first name that mean shepherd doesn't help things. Herding goats might be the job for you. You are as a matter of fact the ultimate scapegoat. Two games in Orient colours. No more dear God (Jesus, I'm talking to myself here).

It didn't help that Orient reduced the deficit to one goal when Lisbie pounced just before half time. Orient dominating the initial stages of the second half really counted for nothing. All those corners and half chances. Jalal you made sure the opponents had that comfortable two goal cushion back by going for a ball and completely miss it - again.

If the Devil is any sort of friend he must act now. For the prize of a Russell Slade soul we should at least get Jakupovic on loan for the rest of the season and Jamie Jones' back miraculously healed.

It ended 3-1 to Bristol City. It was all your fault Shwan. The scapegoat! And I said this in the nicest way possible.





Swedish original (at least the text I started with)

Similes and Metaphors

No blogger of things Orient sit down to write without having a Simile/Metaphor Machine handy. I just bought mine from IKEA. Assembly went well I think. Just a few nuts and bolts left over when I was done. Changing the language settings was harder. I have it in demo mode at the moment.

A simile is where two things are directly compared because they share a common feature. The word as or like is used to compare the two words. Eg. As bald as an Orient manager

A metaphor also compare two things, but it does so more directly without using as or like. Eg. The place had a feel of Southend about it.

Well that wasn't too difficult. Guess I'll just skip the rest of the instructions and try my hand at the examples.

Task 1.

Copy these sentences into your blog/twitter/facebook entry. At the end of each sentence, write in brackets whether the sentence is an example of a metaphor or a simile.

1. As slippery as Boris Johnson (simile)
2. Romain was a lion in battle (metaphor)
3. The striker Michael Symes was a goal machine (a lying metaphor?)
4. Big Sam has a face like a bag of spanners (simile)

Phew! This is hard work. Puts a new perspective on places like View from the West Stand that are like built from this stuff. Moving on, just one task left.

Task 2.

Now make up similes of your own by copying and finishing these sentences.

1. As heavy as
2. As hard as
3. His beard was like
4. As cool as
5. As quick as
6. He was slow like a
7. Slippery like a

OK here goes! Let's see what the machine can come up with because I'm stumped!

1. As heavy as Dearden
2. As hard as Clarke
3. His beard was like Vincelot's
4. As cool as an Orient penalty taker
5. As quick as Moses
6. He was slow like a Parkin/Scowcroft love child
7. Slippery like a West Ham director

Pretty good! Number four feel a bit dodgy but what can you expect for 89 kronor? I'll just put my faith in this piece of Swedish technology, made in China, and packaged in Romania. So look out all you other Orient bloggers. I have a machine and I'm not afraid to use it! In fact I'll just keep it running until the Bristol City game. No choice really, since the on/off switch just broke off in my hand.

Why a View from Downstream?

Stupid name! Was that the best you could come up with? If you just give me a second to elaborate on the name of this blog everything will become clear. Clear as sausage broth. Using one of the more self-explanatory Swedish sayings this blog will probably spring upon you from time to time. At least if you visit here more than once.

Living in Stockholm every Orient game is an away game. Which probably explains why the only game I have seen Orient live this season was at the Lamex Stadium. Nothing like a trip to Stevenage to brighten up your day eh?

My view of another goalless performance from Robbie Simpson usually comes from the mouth of Dave Victor. Or, when Orient Player is acting up which has been known to happen, from some other biased Englishman albeit with a harder to understand accent. Thank God Hartlepool got relegated to League Two.

The things your mind sees from an Orient Player stream and the same event viewed on the extended highlights (if my English was better I would call that a misnomer) on the Sunday often vary wildly. Where Dave Victor shouted off the bar! in reality it hit the foot of the post. This is not criticism of Dave. In fact if/when I finally meet him in person I will pat him on the top of his head and say: Good work! Because it really is! I could pay a few hundred Swedish crowns per month and have access to televised Premier League games every weekend. Instead I pay for Orient Player and highlights a day later. And why? Because for me listening to Orient is far more enjoyable than watching any PL-team, let alone West Ham.

I wasn't at Oxford but I listened to the game live. Jumping madly around the living room when Lee Steele scored. Some of my best football memories have come sitting in front of a computer. A bit sad but true non the less.

My point with all of this being that writing a match report based only on what you have heard is a recipe for getting things wrong. That's why you'll never get player ratings on this blog, or angry rants about some refereeing decision. I just don't have the power Captain! I'm too far away from the action so to speak.

But even the simple act of following Orient via audio stream has changed over the years. In the beginning there was Player and the Message Board. Plus some kind of goal service. Now you have the live blog and twitter. The problem being that these two are always ahead of Orient Player. Updating your twitter feed at the wrong time can spoil the game. A first world problem if there ever was one I suppose.

As many others I have more or less left the Message Board. It never really recovered from the hacker incident and the change of platform. Not really a big loss since the Orient supporters on twitter make up for it by being a nice friendly community.

Being on twitter following things Orient it's impossible not to end up on the View from the West Stand Blog or having Matt Simpson in your timeline. So in the time honoured tradition of Standing On the Shoulders of Giants I named this blog View from Downstream to steal credit from that well known blog . It could even be seen as a kind of homage. But nah, I'm not into that.

In Sweden the season for football start in the beginning of May and end in early November. This overlap meant that growing up I watched a lot of English football since this was what was shown on TV in those days. I wish I could say that I discovered Orient back then. Late seventies, early eighties but sadly I didn't. It was an article in a Swedish morning paper, published in the early 90's that started me on the way to being a proper Orient supporter. Following a club from afar in the pre-internet days usually was scores in the paper and the occasional league table. Things have gotten easier and since 2005 I have been writing about Orient on various forums and such. Mostly on Svenska Fans but always in Swedish. This then is my attempt at getting better known among the true Orient fans. The born and bred supporters. Using my skills at Swenglish to, if not entertain you at least not bore you out of your minds.

If you follow me on twitter there have been a fair amount of tweets about Norrtulls SK my local club here in Stockholm. Last year they had a fantastic season that ended in promotion to Division 5. Which doesn't match that position in the English pyramid but a great achievement all the same. When their season start you will be getting news on twitter as NSK take on teams like Atletico Nacka, Boo FF, FK Bromma, Gustavsbergs IF, Handelskamraternas IS, Hanvikens SK, IF Lokomotiv Blackeberg, Långholmen FC, Reymersholms IK, Saltsjöbadens IF, and Sickla IF.

So if strange sounding team names from the lower leagues of Sweden are your thing things will heat up as the weather gets warmer. Hopefully this will coincide with a new memorable game in which Orient secure promotion. When they do stop by here for my View from Downstream.








Clear as sausuage broth is the Swedish version of Clear as mud. Knowledge! Isn't it a wonderful thing?

Mooooo..nej

A heading which makes sense in Swedish only, nej meaning no. This being almost like the surname of that surprisingly prolific striker of ours. 

Whatever, this is the place where articles from the Leyton Orient section of Svenska Fans (click this link to visit that beautiful part of the web) go to die. Where I shine and polish those nuggets of Swedish Oriental wisdom into my version of the English language. This then is the thing I wrote following defeat to Peterborough. 

This wasn't great from Orient. Peterborough knew they were up against a team with goals in it. So to counter that they played a 5-3-2. Worked brilliantly. Especially in the second half when the guests without a doubt were the better team.

Considering the amount of postponed games in League One having a playable surface was quite an achievement by Orient. But it wasn't perfect, especially bits along the West Stand was dodgy. The wind, just like at Rotherham, played a part as well. Both teams avoided the soggy part of the pitch which was unfortunate for Orient since this kept Moses Odubajo out of the game in the first half. This being the part of the 90 minutes when the home side at least showed glimpses of what they are capable of.

David Mooney's headed goal from a Lloyd James free-kick came against the run of play. But teams at the top often seem to ride their luck and snatch wins even when they're not playing that great. Even though Peterborough had been searching for a goal since the restart, it felt like Orient were riding their luck.

When Britt Assombalonga far to easily headed in the equalizer the feeling still was one of; OK one point still mean we'll be in the top two. That's fine!

Up until the Rotherham game Orient had barely conceded a single goal in the last ten minutes of games.   Now they've dropped points in two consecutive games by not counting the clock down and closing the game out. This time around it was Romain Vincelot that tried to dribble an opponent to start an Orient attack instead of just taking an easy pass. He lost the ball that eventually found its way to Tommy Rowe. Who from the edge of the penalty area hit a shot that Shwan Jalal pushed into his own net.

Jalal, the second debutant goalkeeper in two matches for Orient, had a decent game otherwise. But the second goal falls on his, and Vincelot's, shoulders. Maybe harsh but that was the general feeling afterwards. The pessimists among the Orient fans quickly pointed out that this was the first time all season that Orient have lost two games in a row. I am not one of those guys but I had a really sinking feeling when that Rowe finish hit the back of the net. Because there are problems.

Goalkeeping problems. I think that among the fans one solution is obvious. Bring back Eldin Jakupovic. The suspension for the Hull number one is served. Bring Eldin back. Being asked about Ben Alnwick after the game Russell Slade had nothing new to add. He is out - for how long no one knows. Asked about Jakupovic Slade didn't respond with an outright NO! Enough for some to interpret  that he could return. Jalal had a good game according to Slade. But as a manager that often speak about the group, the importance of team spirit and getting the right characters in the squad. Having a goalkeeper that's trusted by the players, one that minimizes his own mistakes, should be high on the list. Jakupovic proved in January that he is that kind of player. Alnwick and Jalal still have that do to. The question is if Slade feel he has time to wait for that proof.

Russell finished with an interesting comment. Orient's next goal is 75 points which guarantee a play-off spot. After that they'll see how many games there are left to shoot for a spot in the top two. On Tuesday  that postponed game from New Year's Day against Bristol City is to be played. A win means three points off that 15 point playoff place goal. A win means putting pressure on Brentford and Wolves. It will be interesting to see who wears the keeper jersey for Orient.